You know what? I’m fucking shell shocked. All I can do now after a game against one of the ‘top six’ is just shudder and wander around the wasteland of Wolverhampton town centre gibbering about referees and VAR and ‘Them’ and well….them. I’m sure that’s not part of the ‘fan experience’ or I suppose the brand experience either. But on the football field all is hyper fucking well to be honest. There is movement and there seems to be some sort of intent too. Semedo cutting in the width, shifting his man around, looking up, seeing danger and snuffing it out. Saiss having a resurgence of form, making runs, intelligent runs too. He shuts out players, nicking the ball shutting down. He nearly fucking scored if it wasn’t for that stuffy prick De Gea or whatever. A 0-1 defeat. Was it cruel? Not really, we battered them into a frazzle. United looked jaded and sad. Nothing was moving for them at all. Not the team I have watched in the past. But they are waiting for just a single opportunity. One shot on goal. It’s all they need. Not 100 chances or 200 just the one chance.
But I stand and I expected the beautiful football from us carrying off where the Tottenham game ended. It was beautiful ‘Porn Hub’ football. Why Porn Hub? Well it’s very much a case of yeah it was beautiful and sexy but inherently vacuous and empty and you are left alone again with ejaculate everywhere looking for wet wipes before you stare out of the window or go and look in the fridge for something to eat. Masturbation football where everything feels good at the time but at the end it’s lonely and sad and sticky.
Well we have had 6,928 shots on goal without scoring and man we came so close but I cant remember a time like this unless I look back to when Glen Hoddle was here. That’s unfair maybe but Hoddle was in my mind walking out of the South Bank with my head down and a miserable look…miserabler look on my face than normal. Of course there is no justice in football at all we know that. Things that should be ‘right’ are often not and things that are ‘wrong’ are always right. When it comes to BIGSIX teams anyway. Chatting to Albion Phil Ashmore Parks best Butcher last week we discussed everything about the Premier League and our experiences. They were the same pretty much, and he reeled off a list of grievances that would have doxxed the Mollymix site to a stand still. Referees, Managers, Coaches, players, decisions that were plain wrong, awful refereeing, prices of tickets. All aspects of yesterdays game laid bare among the pork chops, steaks, pork pies, sausages and home made faggots in onion gravy. Are we not entertained? How many United fans in the South Bank yesterday? I counted three in our section. Very quiet bodies they were as well. But they were there and unhassled. Everyone knew, nobody said anything. When Mason Greenwood scored I saw one clench his fist very slowly but he stayed still. Fair play. United in the South Bank, Wolves fans gonking over Pogbas shirt at the end of the match. Shovel fulls of horrible new football shit thrown in your face.
It’s pure football of course, all this angst. People mentioned that Mike Dean had a great game too. Man, I shut my mouth about that one. Adama Traore has the ball though and he flicks it on the outside of his foot and around a United players, Traore bounces past he’s ploughing the Adama furrow towards the United box, He jinks again, he is unfucking playable! There are shouts and expectation, it’s crazy! I look around me and most people have a quick look up from their phones. One dude is talking to his girlfriend, one dude, no two checking accas, others deep in conversation about something but not Traore. Who tumbles to the ground again. Not many noticed. Death by a thousand shots. The expectation that we will score during an attack is low at the moment. We don’t have any Kwan. The Kwan is gone leaving good football, relentless pressure, beautiful movement, pressing, anger sometimes, a feeling of something about to happen…but not yet. Patience? or Apathy? Return to Football being built up as a thing of positivity and advancement but ultimately disappointing. Bouncing up and down in the away end is a cardboard cut out of United favourite Rapist being passed around. There is a dude with his top off who only seems to be sunburned on the lower half of his body. What a weird bunch these Londoners are. It’s good that we hate them with much anger. We know them well. Pogba is rolling around the floor again. Minutes later Bruno Fernandes. Who minutes later is doing it again. There’s nothing wrong with him of course, we were attacking, getting a rhythm going. Great way to disrupt the game. Mike Dean is Mike Deaning now and play is stopped. We gather our thoughts about Fernandes being a wanker and ‘letting him die’ while he rolls around in agony only to throw himself around like a crackhead after a kebab seconds later. Conor Coady is getting angry now. Shows you how the game is going. Someone leans over to chat to me and they have a big wodge of cocaine up their nose. ‘Would you sell him Mikey? Would ya sell him? Would ya let him go?’ I don’t know who he is on about then think maybe it’s Traore. But I haven’t got a mind for Traore at the moment. I don’t understand him at all. Would I sell him? Maybe I would say “Yeah fucking sell him, snap their hand off! I’ll drive him where he wants to go then at the final moment say Nah, he’s fucking great” and that explains Traore to me quite well. I don’t do cocaine but at this moment watching the birds flying over the New stand I could do a bump. Anything to blot out Mike Dean and another united player rolling around like he’s been fucking shot.
Hwang was there. Our new dude from South Korea. We are desperate for him to be honest. We need a new key to unlock defences, to put away chances. He is a new dynamic, a new variable which our attacking frontline will absorb and utilise and find new ways to score, new ways to attack. Because in spite of all the fantastic football we play, something is wrong up front, Is it the style of play? Are we moving too fast? Not giving us time to deploy bodies in the box. How many times did an attack down the channels falter because there wasn’t anyone in the box? Raul deep and nowhere near the area he should have been to receive the ball. This happened many times. The zeist wasn’t fucking geisting in any constructive way. But again it was lovely play. Neves is an absolute God. Joao dicing up United attacks with aplomb. On the walk back to the car I am thinking as I plod up past Saint Peters, past the Lych Gate, up Dudley street, Old Hall street with it’s shit first year student Banksys making a beautiful old building look ugly with shit graffiti. Yes, I am thinking and my feet slapping on the slabs is like a metronome.
Bruno Lage has galvanised our side. Made it beautiful and mad. Todays match will cememnt in our minds how much we have advanced since Nuno left. How weird is it that only now I can look back at last season and wonder how I could write such beautiful things about football that was inherently sad and dull. You never know how much a Coach gets in your head until he has gone. We have advanced and we have got a new vibe in the team. That is a positive. But I think they are stressed these players of ours. I think they are too uptight about how they are playing, like this high press game has to have an integral high stress to go with the high press. We over think things on the pitch. It is almost scientific the way we play. This means that our players are coming on the pitch in a state of mind that doesn’t preclude that front of goal intent. We saw it with Bully years ago. Give him the ball on the edge of the box and we will score probably. Now it’s all about pressing straight into the box and not just putting your foot through it. There was the difference between us and the Mancs. Mason Greenwood was calm and collected when he shot past Sa and there was the goal they wanted. Only one real chance and taken forensically. That is all you need to do. Throw in some showboating, passive refereeing and time wasting and there you have it. How many times have we seen that in the past? A lot. Are we used to it yet? Not really, still pains and still hurts but at least we have something to look forwards to. We have started late I suspect, in bringing in players. We need different dynamics, probably a different set up, new players. I can safely write off some of the upcoming games until the international break. I suspect this period will be the time when Wolves gather some sort of group identity, some sort of collective idea when they play. Pre season until now has been an absolute carnival in terms of setting up a team. There has been no time for Bruno to really impress his ideas onto the team but still we have progressed and moved forwards and there is more movement to come.
But hey. Mike Dean. You sorry little bald headed man. You Jasper Carrot looking freak. I hate it when you officiate our games because I always expect your pantomimes to provoke some emotion from me and they did yesterday. I don’t know what your ego expects from these games but it obviously feeds well. You have swapped adherence to rules and the Philosophy of fair play in sport for abject unfairness and a bastardisation of the act of refereeing. I was disgusted again like I always am. Even channelling passive observation, as I do sometimes, I could not miss the glaring ineptitude of your decisions. You should have stamped down hard on the time wasting and histrionics of this visiting team. As a Referee you should have enforced the rules of the game while allowing it to flow and instead all we recieved was another episode of the Mike Dean show. The story of a Little Bald man making what could have been a good game of football into a stop start shit show of Mike Deans Football Philosophy where BIGSIX teams get all the decisions and all the love. We know what Manchester United are and so should you but you allowed them to ‘Yanited’ all over the pitch again. You bald headed little twat. I was half tempted to walk around the South Bank and give you a few fucks when you walked out of the guts of the Billy. But I would have been nicked so you get off Scot free again.
Shake off the negativity though. We have a fucking long way to go. Watford will be weird again. Do I expect anything from that game. Nah not yet probably. Too bloody early to say. I have my head pointed towards the break and I suspect that is when we will see our side start to get horrible. This game would have effected them I think. I hope there will be some anger happening but also some relaxed minds too. I don’t think you will see Ruben moving to United now. Even if the finacial gains will be stratospheric I suspect Ruben Neves has a beautiful soul and he knows that it would shrivel at ‘Mold Trafford’ that rust bucket of angst.
Fuck it. Onwards.