jeff

Are we all dead yet? Well the Footy is done and dusted so for many people they might as well be jed to be honest. I’m in many minds about the whole show and I’m yet to make any kind of judgement whether or not it was the right call by the relevant authorities. You see you can’t make ‘knee jerk’ judgements at this early stage in the whole Bat Aids conundrum. You have to wait until the dust (or the snot) has settled and then look to see if you have made the right calls. Until then of course all we can do is moan about it…which is free, and nobody will take much notice any way because of all the things we doughnuts do well, it’s moan. It’s not going to go away any time soon but we are in a good place footbally wise, at least our team is. I bet Fosun was privy to all the relevant Corona narrative that slowly unwound in Wuhan over January and are at the forefront of analysis ‘Post Infection’ too, now that new cases in China are dropping very quickly. So Fosun will have their hands on all the data one way or another and if Fosun have the information then maybe it’s good to listen to Uncle Jeff Shi if he has some rhymes he wants to share with us. 

Uncle Jeff Shi is making all the right noises for sure. I’m surprised he managed to prise himself away from his work to wax Corona based lyrics to all and sundry connected with the club as to the tactics Fosun are prepared to use to address  some of the ‘Unknown unknown’  narratives that are flying around Wolverhampton at the moment especially when it involves highly contagious mental freak outs about Bog Roll, pasta and hand gel stuff.

It was a good bit of work by Uncle Jeff of course because as we know it’s not easy for someone used to the rigid information dissemination processes of China to speak about something as volatile (emotionally) as viral death possibilities. Sino-YamYam relationships will remain on good terms of course because as Wolves fans all we want is for the team to be OK and for everybody else connected with the club to be ‘orite’ and be ready to kick off when the green light comes on to signal a continuation of the insanity that is Wolves in the Premier League. I’m super impressed with Jeff Shi and his reaction to these mad events. He’s showed more leadership over the past few days than Local Government have since this Bat Aids thing started. Jeff is rapidly becoming the sort of bloke we tend to look at to sort things out for us, make things seem normal again. The Jeff Shi narrative is wholesome and good, confident and assured. I cast a few thought shapes about what would happen if Moxey and Morgan were still in charge…then I shudder like someone has walked over my grave.

Nuno too has responded in exactly the way we wanted him to. Cool calm and collected. The only problem he has is whether or not the team is in that Zone too. When you have a handful of players you have invested tens of millions of pounds in then the utmost priority is to look after them for sure. If that means driving over the Flakies that flutter and flab around the gates of Compton wanting autographs and shit then fair enough. Dirty sticky hands full of germs, sticky half chewed pens, spindled and mutilated programmes all shoved through the window of a players car and there you go. A 25 million pound investment probably out of action for a few months or if you read the Literature a possibility that a players lung function can be compromised permanently. That means they will possibly never play again. What a fucking shit show this whole thing is. If I was Jeff I would be using Fosun Dollar to build an under mountain complex under the Clee Hills for when another virus kicks in. It would be great I’m sure kind of like the Bond Villain HQs full of Chinese dudes in hard hats and overalls razzing around doing nefarious tasks for Guang Gwanglechong who zips about in his motorised evil throne of world domination. Jeff wants us all to be safe and that’s cool but remember…dead people can’t spend money at Molineux. So if you see a player or Nuno shopping or doing human type stuff in the environment don’t rush up and get your germ ridden appendages all over them, give them some space eh? Don’t infect the team and for fucks sake don’t infect The Nuno. 

I talked a bit last article about the League getting zapped into an inertia less void of postponed games and a lack of any real idea what to do so I was quite surprised that a few days later the decision had been made to dump part of the season. But what of the whys and wherefores? What is going to happen? Now I’m not going to wax about the ways the FA can jiggle and joggle dates to make sure the season is finished as other people have done a far better job. My gut feeling is that we wont see any more football this season and maybe everything will start up in August again as normal. But will that mean that Fosun will wrangle down the gears and chill out for a bit? No, not really. I suspect that as soon as the epidemic in Wuhan started to grow horns then the gentle click and clack of the planning algorithms at Fosun Towers started to adjust and plan too. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jeff and Company at Molineux discussed the possibilities of a pandemic back in December. I don’t really know of any other club in England that would have had any kind of initial planning that early. But I know a dude who tapped his nose at me when I asked him how early Fosun knew about the Bat Aids apocalypse. Nuno would have been briefed early on hence his reticence to play that Olympiakos tie. All madness and all chaos…but Fosun and Nuno have Wolves in the right place with the right structures in place to make sure we come out of this insanity in one piece…probably stronger. 

In YamYamland of course things are typical Wolverhampton. Some people are losing their shit, some people are concerned and some people aren’t massively bothered. It’s a whole mish mash of emotions which translate to empty shelves in Aldi etc and some minor chaos in other shops. All the hypochondriacs I know have ‘Corona’ and have took the fortnight off. Good chance to catch up on a few jobs around the house I suppose. But the real problem for most Wolves fans is that ‘Wolves’ and ‘Wolvesing’ will be off the agenda for the foreseeable future and that will leave a big void for some and that void will be unfilled because all they do is Wolves and the Club is a very big hole to fill. But what a great opportunity to do other things, maybe get a new hobby, start the long road to getting fit maybe, metal detecting is interesting, or do a course in Plumbing at Bilston College. ‘Piss Bag’ Pete my mate down the canal is going to quit drinking (he told me yesterday) and today he was passed out by Devils elbow bridge with a few Early Flies buzzing around his head and a look of pure contentment on his grizzled face. 

I see Patrick Cutrone has contracted Bat Aids. His woes are piling up after slicing some negative paragraphs Nunos way. It is how it is. Negativity breeds negativity I suppose. If he had put his head down here and not acted like a truculent child he would have had a space in the Clee hill Survival complex with the rest of the team eating Ortolans and drinking alcohol free champagne while watching the world burn on plasma screens screwed to the walls. 

But now I hope that the Fosun Algorithms are maybe still talking to players they want to attract in the Summer. Maybe they are talking to other targets having re-forcasted available finances for the squeeze that will come after the Apocalyptic dust has settled and the Lizards start stirring again in their nests of cash money. Like I said before, great opportunity to get Adamas shoulder sorted out with some of those whacky stem cell sessions they do in Mexico. It would be a great opportunity to flatten the Steve Bull stand too…maybe. Get a bit of redevelopment done in the dog days of viral pandemia. 

I suspect the chaos and madness is just starting to be honest and there is going to be a lot more insanity before this whole thing has blown over. My advice is to keep your heads down, don’t read or watch too much news, keep your eye on your friends and family. As I watched Pissbag Pete to see if he was still breathing he cocked one eye open at me…

‘I won £100 on the Gambler in the Spread Eagle, I pissed it up the wall day I’ and he went back to sleep. Fair play to him.