Machine Wolves


In other news I have been thinking much about the new stadium lately in that void of nothingness that is the close season. I am not allowed to say anything about it I’m afraid because I have been sworn to secrecy. But I will say this FUCKING HELL! I bet you lot can extrapolate a lot from that simple few words. The Great Wolf Machine is not silent in this abyss of non football and having to talk about tactics.

The Machine is rumbling and grinding along. It is ever rumbling in the depths of the Billy Quiet offices and at the lost island somewhere in the Pacific where Gwan Wanglechange sits at his plush control center pushing buttons and ordering Fosun cannon fodder to do his bidding. I have to say I wrote about Herrera last time I published something. Total brain fart by me as I had been reading about him a few minutes before I sat down and started to write. But I can say this. James Rodriguez and Rondon are still the names I keep hearing and I have had a few names given to me that had me trying to hide my hard nipples to be honest. What’s the zeitgeist with signings? Young and hungry PLUS old and experienced. It doesn’t matter who they play for and how much they are worth but if they can play beautiful football, are fit, and have the ability to soak up the Nunoism they will be coming.

All that needs to be done is to convince them to play for us. That’s the whole crux of the matter. Convincing them. Here again we have the Nuno who will do the chat and the back slapping as he shows them around Tettenhall pool. Champions League football is the target for us this season and there are a few ways we can get it. Winning shit. We need a Trophy my friends, a way into the hallowed halls of Champions League footy and the riches that await us there. I suspect that we will again force our way through the League fixtures with an eye to winning every game again as we did last season. Now that’s a foundation in the way we play. To try to win, to inflict our football on other teams. But I suspect the main focus in these early days of the whole Nuno-Wolves-Fosun trinity is Cup games and most importantly the Europa League games. I think we will see a lot of our players moving away from Wolves in the next few weeks and these moves are not knee jerk reactions to players coming in.

A lot of these players will be names that will shock and annoy us, because at the end of the day we are just doughnuts, we don’t realise what’s going on in top level football management. Yes, players will leave and we will have major meltdowns on Social media, I am quite looking forwards to it as I have returned to the asylum they call Twitter.

I have read much about how our up and coming players in the under 23 squad will be utilised in the Europa cup games to give out first team regulars a break. From a personal stand point I can’t see that. Instead I can see our younger players being bloodied massively in important league games leaving our established players to play in the Europa League. I think Nunos attention will be on the European games rather than busting a froth trying to smash into the top six. We wont be going for the top six yet I don’t think. It’s a club that demands great players and these players will be attracted by Champions League football which at the moment we cannot offer them. But win the Europa Cup and you get Champions League football at Molineux in the 2020-21season. You get players taking notice and they will want to come for sure. Who wouldn’t want to play in an exciting young team led by one of Europes best up and coming Coaches? Add to the mix the FUCKING HELL! Stadium and everything is looking bloody good. Strategies and madness for sure

Well there is some fume around, some neck biting madness. That’s whats bloody great about Social media, the angst is real and blunt. The new Wolves shirt is shit apparently. So the story goes that it’s the wrong colour, the neck is yellow, the badges are tacky, the diatribes are real and funky. There is paragraphs being written as I speak about it’s crapness.

I like fume to be honest. I don’t mind anger when it’s about something as pointless as something somebody will be wearing when they drag themselves up to Molineux for some extremely sexual football. I don’t want to make this about me, but I don’t wear the bloody things any way. It’s that they are itchy. All of them. They make my skin crawl. I think it’s the plasticky nastiness that does something to my skin. They make me sweat too. They make a lot of people sweat and you will find that out as some monster squeezes past you in the Southbank to get to their seat. You will get a whiff of their armpits. They have been in the Royal London or the Hogs for three hours queueing up for a pint of IPA grot. It’s humid and hot. You sweat.

I mean the shirt isn’t really for us Wolverhamptonites anyway. When you are trudging around the ends then it’s obvious you are from Wolvo. You have that dodgy squint from peering around corners in case there are some doughnuts there waiting to relieve you of your belongings. No, the shirt is for all the shiney people FOSUN want to attract into our club shop when they come down here for a match and have a few hundred quid to bust out on cack from the shop. That’s cool man. I mean these dudes will be young Chinese lads and lasses. Maybe some Europeans, South Americans. People who have more money than us anyway. They will be wangling around the Molineux having endless selfies, going live on Instagram or YouTube, talking about the club, their holiday, all the bullshit.

We of course will be sweating cobs, stinking the place up and dare I say it being ‘Tolerated’ as we are not shiney, we haven’t got money to spend in the club shop, well most of us. So we moan instead. It’s the way we do shit. I mean you would think after all is said and posted about the new shirt that the club wouldn’t have sold many but lo and behold…they’ve sold loads, broke records. But why would you buy them if they were shit? I don’t actually know to be honest. I’ve got two shirts…the Doritos one and the Town crest shirt. I want my stuff to last. I don’t want my shoes thrown away until the bottom falls out of them. I like things to last regardless of how I look in them.

I sat this morning watching the shenanigans in the zipper lane at the back of Wednesfield. You get all the negative aspects of humanity right there. There’s probably a PhD to be written by somebody who sits there for a few hours and watches the fume and madness unfold as people try to get one or two spaces in front of each other. I’ve seen fist fights there, I’ve seen a woman slumped in tears in the middle of the road as people just drove past. Can I extrapolate this zipper lane insanity with buying the new shirt? People want it for different reasons. The fact that people get into the habit of buying them is real for sure. They get one every time a new series comes out. They don’t talk about the aspects of the design or who it’s got on the front. They go to the match in their shirts, always have done and always will.These are the blokes and women in the left hand lane of the zipper. They go in that lane as it’s no hassle and they don’t mind anyone steaming up the middle lane at 80mph to get two cars in front. In fact they might leave a gap so they can. These are the civilised people. Yes the shirt is expensive and it may only get worn for matches or when you are holiday. But they get one every year, habits, chilled out happiness.

Then of course there are the people who yes, they are buying one, but they don’t fucking like it. It has this or that they don’t like that, or this and that, as well as that as well. They are getting a shirt yes, they wish it cost £500 so only they could afford it and they can show other fans that they are bigger more fanatical fans than you. Virtue shirt wearers really. The whole family will be kitted out. These families are dragged from car parks to football matches wearing nigh on half a grands worth of club shop tat. They all look miserable too. These are the one car in front people. They drive Audis and BMWs which kind of describes who they are to everybody else and their personality which is devoid of anything but their purchases is actually defined by how much tat they can heap on their kids backs.

There are other subsets. I know people who will do a sharp intake of breath as they part with their dollars but they will wear the shirt because they are proud to and they love our football team and our City. They see buying a shirt as a statement to every other football fan. It can be a gateway to a great conversation or a load of abuse traded back and forth across some shit football bar in Tenerife. Whatever ay it? Buy it if you want, don’t buy it, who cares, the money will roll right in regardless.

I had a bit of a wax about Diego Costa joining the club. It was just a rumour but I let myself get tangled in it a little and let my thoughts leak out onto social media. I would love Costa to come here to be honest. I think he is just what the Wolves need. You see this Brighton and Huddersfield problem…not really getting results against teams that play neckball…maybe Costa would be the answer. I don’t know if he is coming or even interested in coming. I’ve heard nothing since I told everybody that sends me transfer tips to leave me alone. But him I could feel happy about. Jimmy regardless of his heroics in the Gold Cup is an artist. He is just the kind of player we need to applicate the finer footballing ideas against top teams we play. Of course he is an artist and requires a good canvas to work on as well as able assistants. There is nothing wrong with this Ferrari of a player. He is Super Jimmy to me, a total epiphany on the way I look at how we play football. He is sublime. Add Jota too and we have one of the most beautiful front players I have ever seen in a Wolves shirt. But Brighton, Huddersfield etc aggravated them. Ferraris are sexual cars on the twisting alpine roads of Switzerland or the Tuscany countryside. But how good are they lugging a load of wood over a Welsh forest track? I knew the Rondon interest was the typical 4×4 player we needed to lug that wood over the mud. I see Costa as having exactly the same attributes. He is not afraid to get stuck in and have a go. His insanity of course is his tenacity to win the ball and get into that final third for a chance or a half chance. I talked much about this when Nuno forst came to the club. I knew that all the great quiffs in the world wouldn’t make much of a dent in the mega stoical defences of many of the teams we played. At the time I privately said Balotelli would be someone we should look at. There is an element of Balotelli in Costa and visa versa. That madness to tangle and fight for the ball. With a rich vein of footballing skill too, maybe a pinch of the football Philosopher Nuno requires too.

Who knows eh? I would like him, I think he’s the horrible player we need within a squad that is far too nice at times. Sometimes you need edgy, sometimes you need lunacy when faced with ten men defending their goal. The next few weeks are going to be insane I know that. We are on the downhill slope of the close season. Football will be happening soon and the background noise of new shirt fume and player transfers will melt into the general roar of chaos as the season kicks off. By December the posts about the arms falling off the new shirts will be just moaning and groaning as we start part three of the Nunolution. Are you ready?


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